New Years Resolutions

 These fireworks are actually from the Fourth of July.  Whatevs.

 
Okay, so where have I been since September?  Well, I am a full time student and that occasionally takes up a lot of time, but this semester I am going to be less of a loser and post on here as much as humanly possible.  I'M GONNA MAKE A COMEBACK, PEEPS.  And booooooooooyyy, do I have a lot to rant about.  I need to talk about scarves that don't protect you from the cold, how I'm going to use twitter to make NFL players marry me, and these fabulous shoes I just bought.  (They have spikes all over them and I've already used them to kick someone.) 

Anyhow, this post is called "New Years Resolutions," so I think I should get to those for all of you who are sitting in suspense wondering what the hell I need to do to improve my life.  So:

1) Go to the gym everyday.
Yeah, I haven't even started this yet.  I'll get to it... eventually.

2) Blog everyday.
STEP ONE: COMPLETE, BITCHES!

3) Don't look like a bum for class.
Sadly, I have a few morning classes this semester.  I hereby vow to not only attend them, but to also look nice for them.  As a recent convert to the belief that leggings can indeed be pants, I'll go ahead and use their comfort to my advantage.  I will also figure out something to do with my hair other than throw it up in some sort of a bird's nest.

4) Stop dating assholes.
I'm really, really bad at this.  Somehow, I just end up dating short, Republican Italian men that also end up being big ole' douchebags.

5) Finally Read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
I've had to have started this book at least ten times and just can't get through the first chapter.  Can someone please tell me when it gets good?  I've had this book since 2010 and just need to finish it, dangit.

Holy Crap, it's a Newsprint Manicure!

A long time back ago, (and by long time I mean June) I was only getting one or two views a day.  Now that more of you are apparently into copious amounts of sarcasm and neon, I figured this could get some lovin', especially since the current IFB project is nail based.  So all you fine folks, I give you the newspaper manicure.  I'm wearing it now and it's the bee's knees.

So there's this new trend going around.  It's called the newsprint manicure.  It's pretty dang amazing.

The best part is that they're incredibly easy.  All you need are a few items you probably already have.

What's that you see?  Is that... VODKA?  Why yes.  Yes it is.  Painting your nails has never been so fun.

 So anyway, here's a full list of what you need:

-Base Coat
-Polish
-Topcoat
-Ten Newspaper strips that will fit over your nails
-A shot of VODKA.  Pour yourself a screwdriver while you're at it.

Basically, you just paint your nails as you normally would.  I personally used OPI's Natural Nail Base Coat and China Glaze White on White.  Skip the topcoat for now.

Now you have to wait for it to dry.  Watch an episode of Mad Men or something while you're waiting.  Then you can feel all cultured and jazz too.

Now comes the fun part.

Dip your finger into the vodka.  While it's wet, slap one of those slices of newspaper on top of it and press down.  Be careful here because if you move it around, it will come out all yucky and smudgy.  After this, you should have a luuurvely newsprint image on your nail.

Slap on some topcoat (I worship Seche Vite), and you're home free.

Now go!  Have people stare out your nails in wonderment!  They'll marvel at your abilities and want you to teach them.  Some people may ask why the print is on backwards.  Those people are lame.

Gratuitous iPhone pic of the week...

So I finally got my shizz together and put together an outfit.  Then my camera died.  I know what you're all thinking, probably that I'm a stupid bitch.  But no!  Instead I took an iPhone pic and was inspired to the point that this is going to be a semi-regular feature!

Oh yeah.  I'm that cool.  Anyhoo, here's my outfit of choice:

 

Rodarte for Target Dress, Marc by Marc Jacobs Skull Necklace

First of all, how cool is my mirror?  I know, it's sweet right?  It makes dorm sweet dorm and all that jazz.  I also know you're all just super duper excited to get a dose of this wonderful quality photograph every week!  But how else would y'all see my mirror?  

And that black thing on the floor behind my leg?  That's a mother-effin' N64!  You're jealous, I know.  Maybe next iPhone time you all can see some other thrilling aspect of college life, like how I get creative storing my nail polish.  I love with 30 other girls, I gotta lock that stuff down.

So with all that, I'm off to my event that I've been whining about getting ready for all day.  Wish me luck!  With my awkward-like-nobody's-business self, I'm gonna need it.

Arrrrrrgggggh.

You know those days where you have somewhere important to be but your skin is breaking out, your hair refuses to cooperate, and you have NOTHING TO WEAR?

I'm having one of those days.  It's not that I literally have nothing to wear.  I mean, my desk drawers are full of clothes.  (That's right--my desk.  It's the only place I have any room left.)  I just have nothing to wear to this particular event that will be full of those darn menfolk.

Sometimes I just sit down and think, "Is this really worth missing Project Runway" for?  I don't have to shower for Project Runway.  It accepts me as I am, even if that damn Joshua insists leggings are over when they clearly aren't, goddammit.  

So what am I doing instead of getting ready like I should be?  Well clearly I'm writing a blog post, but in addition I'm organizing my massive collection of stolen Chic-Fil-A sauces and listening to what could be the weirdest playlist I've ever put together. 

Without further rambling, I now present my Get-it-together-remember-you're-a-baller-let's-do-this playlist.  Because this is what you get today people.  If I can't put together a decent outfit, you get a playlist instead.  And by playlist, I mean five songs.  Mmmkay?  I'll be better next time when my brain doesn't hurt so much.

                                         Robyn- Hang with Me

                                         Florence and the Machine- Kiss with a Fist

                                          Jhameel- The Human Condition

 

                                         Vampire Weekend- White Sky

                                          The Naked and Famous- Young Blood

Look, IT'S PRETTY.

Today I made a few changes to ze blog and I hope you like them.  Now eventually I'll get around to not making my "about me" page such a hot mess, but let's face it- that's going to be a tough one.  Anyway, browse through and have some fun times!  C'mon, what else are you going to do?  Homework?  HA!

It's about damn time something like this happened.

Fashion is kind of a bummer when it takes itself too seriously.  How many times have we seen the same old ad campaign in order to "take in the full experience of the clothes?"  I mean really?  Really?  If I'm going to spend three figures on a dress, I want at least the vague suggestion that I can have fun with it.  Alber Elbaz over at Lanvin seems to share my concerns.  Not only did the man come out with a killer collection for H&M last season, he also has made this his Fall/Winter 2001 campaign:

How mother-effin' brilliant is that?  I love the fact that the models can't really dance.  Mr. Elbaz's cameo is also possibly the most precious thing I've seen all year.  The print ads are extremely fabulous as well.

Also on my happy list is Mr. Marc Jacobs, also known as the world's only fat heroin addict.  I mean, just look at this swagger-filled bit of awesome.

Helena Bonham Carter dressed as a dog?  Ummmmmm, yes please.  Then of course, there is the normally extremely serious Mr. Lagerfeld.  

Once again, we have a pretty lady dressed up as some sort of animal.  I'm not sure what I find so endearing about this concept, but I simply luuuuuuurve it.  I didn't know that Karl had it in him.

So anyway, fall ad campaigns are sweet, the clothes are even sweeter, and I am a happy camper.  After the travesty of outfits at the VMAs, I definitely needed this to lift my spirits.  Bravo to you, all you lovely designers who want life to be enjoyable!  We should all be friends.

No no no no no no

Just.  No.  Snooki, WTF?

BEHOLD.  BEHOLD THE HORROR THAT SNOOKI BROUGHT ONTO AMERICA LAST NIGHT AT THE VMAS.

Look at those mother-effin' claws.  They look like trapezoids.  How is she able to do normal things with them?  It seems everything from typing to texting to tying her shoes would be off limits.  Now I know I like blinged-out nails as much as the next person, but if this shape becomes the next trend, I will personally try to destroy whatever factory makes these acrylic freaks of nature.

Ladies, do not let your fingers resemble duck feet.  We're better than that.

Why is my make-up acting all shifty?

You know, there are some days where I just think it's way too mother-effin' hot out to have to deal with putting on make-up.  Nothing displeases me more than creating a killer smokey eye only to have to deal with it melting away to a raccoon mask by the end of the day.  Back when I was a wee middle school student experimenting with the big beautiful world of MAC, I looked like my face was steadily melting.  Luckily, apparently some cosmetic companies are aware of humidity's evil effects and have created something amazing.  That's right.  I'm talking about eye shadow primers. 

So being the person I am who's always on the search for something better, I've tried out a bunch of these primers and can personally testify to their awesomeness (or lack thereof).  Unfortunately, I have yet to try one of these babies that is sold in drugstores and is therefore, priced a bit lower.  The plus-side is that primer lasts fooooooorever, so when you sink $20 or so into something, you will get your money's worth. 

Alrighty then, so without further ado, I give you our first primer:

This baby is Too Faced Shadow Insurance,  It costs $18 and is my personal favorite primer, since it does wonders for my fairly oily eyelids.  It comes in a couple different finishes, including one that neutralizes redness and another that adds some shimmer.  I've been able to keep my make-up fresh for hours outside in pre-Irene level humidity, so this is definitely a winner.  My one suggestion is to not pile this stuff on--you only need a little.

Here we have Urban Decay Primer Potion.  It's $19.  This stuff used to be in quite possibly the worst container ever, but they've since revamped it to be much more user-friendly.  From what I've heard around the block, Urban Decay's potion works best with drier eyelids, though it's done nicely on everyone I've ever used it on.  The one drawback with this is that it can make blending fairly difficult.

Now I give you Smashbox Photo Finish Lid Primer.  It retails for $20 and is a great option if you want a wand applicator instead of a squeeze-tip thingamagig.  This makes blending kind of piss me off, but it wears like iron and really makes colors pop like nobody's business.  At .08 oz, it's also the worst value, as Urban Decay clocks in at .37 oz and Two Faced is .35 oz.  Overall though, it does work well.

Other people swear by Nars Primer or MAC Paint Pots, but I don't have any firsthand experience with either of those.  Nars is about ten dollars more than any of the options listed above, though I don't really have a decent excuse for not trying out the MAC yet.  Basically, I believe that an eye primer is an essential part of any make-up arsenal.  Creased eyeshadow is gross and your face deserves better than that.  Believe in the power of you.  Let your eyes reach their full awesome potential.

Point of Conflict: Leggings

So two traumatic things happened to me.  The earthquake broke my television and tonight, when I finally got to watch Project Runway, my future make-up guru Josh proclaimed that leggings were OVER.  This made me a bit sad, because leggings are some handy pieces of cloth to have chillin' around one's closet.  Basically, leggings are probably one of the greater fashion questions of our time.  I mean, we must ask ourselves that one important question at least a few times each week... do leggings count as pants?

This is the classiest possible way I thought I could present leggings as pants to you.  Really, I couldn't think of a more tasteful way to showcase the many possibilities leggings hold.

Now, I don't even want to discuss the option of wearing leggings under a dress of skirt.  There is just no way I will ever be keen on this on any woman over the age of six.  The look screams "little girl wearing leggings because she ripped too many pairs of tights." Do. Not. Want.  Can I get behind the idea of semi-opaque pantyhose making up comeback.  Yup.  Thanks for that Middleton sistas.  Nude fishnets for daytime?  Sure.  Go for it.  But I will never be able to embrace leggings under skirts.  It cuts off your feet and they look all short and jazz.

I am however, surprisingly okay with wearing leggings as pants.  But THERE ARE CONDITIONS.  They aren't just for me, they're for you too.

1) Body mother-freaking confidence
You don't have to be a size two to wear leggings as pants.  But no matter what size you are, pulling your shirt down all day because you feel uncomfortable looks yucky.  You're a pretty lady, strut what ya got!  Trust me, people will be staring at your ass.  You want to know why?  Because your ass looks like some serious HOT STUFF.  Leggings have a tendency to make butts look awesome.

2) No visible panty line
Trust me, VPL ruins everything.  It makes you look tacky as all get out and takes away from the the awesomeness of your bum that was discussed above.  That said, you still gotta wear some undies.  Why?  Because camel toe is a terrible affliction that can affect us all.  I'm sure you have a lovely vagina, but I don't want to see it today.

3) Your leggings better be opaque as hell!
Hold those mofos up to the light before you buy them, because if you can see through them, it's going to be bad times, my friend.  A good investment is skinny yoga pants which can be found just about anywhere that sells yoga pants.

4) Don't make it uggo.
Where I go to college, it gets coooooold.  We're talking levels of cold not typically experienced.  Many ladies cope with this cold in the same way.  They wear leggings with Uggs and a Northface.  Besides this outfit just being so intrinsically unflattering, it's also worn by everyone and their mother.  The poor outfit suffers from the double whammy of being both ugly-as-hell and boring.


Well, there you have it--my complete guide to leggings as pants (bonus rants are free).  I believe in the power of you to do it right, keep camel toe out of my sight, and to look fierce while doing it.  Stay golden, ladies.

Hello update!

You may be wondering why I've been a bit spotty these past few weeks.  The answer is simple- I was on vacation without a computer and don't plan ahead too well.  I am sorriez.  If it makes you feel any better, I got stung by a jellyfish on said vacation and now my ankle is twice the size it normally is.  Karma, eh?  But look!  I took a picture!

 

Ummmmmm.  Yeah.  As you can see, I am awesomely photogenic.  So anyway, in the next few days there are going to be posts a go-go.  Epic stuff.  I swear it.